How to fly
when your wing
How to rise
from a hidden wound
What if our existential fear is not that of dying, but that of really living?
It’s known in psychotherapy and psychology that we have an existential fear of dying that is the source of almost everything we do. There might be some truth to this, I don’t know, however throughout the years of coaching, creating, dreaming and wandering, I have encountered what seems as an even deeper and far more unconscious (and surprising too) fear in us; the fear of living. What happens inside you when a dream seems close to come true? Have you ever asked yourself the question with awe and a bit of fear-trembling excitement, when you are in front of something great: can life really be this good and easy? Have you ever caught yourself surprised by with what amazing speed you were capable of running away from something you have longed for, and in a way sensed was there as a possibility your whole life?
I don’t claim to know anything, but I dare have a perspective on it. When we are born into this world we know no separation. But as we grow up, we all have to deal with the fact of what appears to us as being separate and something starts growing inside us; a deep inner longing to belong, a longing to return to being no-one, to be what we were born as. In another perspective, we were never born, separation never happened, there is no “you”, and how can you return to something you never left and always have been, it just appears as if. Who knows? But that’s another story…
In this story though, our stories of love and loss, gain and pain, joy and sadness they are all stories we know well, they are part of the life we live, for some they are the life, they are our identity and they keep us safe. Letting go of the stories (and beliefs) can be a key to set us free, but this freedom can be a scary bitch, not only because without stories to define ourselves, who are we then? But by letting go of our stories, or a better way to put it, letting go of the hold the stories have on us, we all of a sudden have entered unknown land where there are no one to blame and nothing to hold on to. Living in the unknown and looking back along the road we appeared to have walked, we might even realize we have always been in unknown land…
If there is some truth to such thing as a deep existential fear of living, then to have the courage to live is to leave survival mode and step into the eye of the storm of life (I’m here talking about an inner way of being or approach to life, not outside circumstances) To live is pure raw aliveness, no filter, the high and the low notes of life felt full on. The scale of the fear of living is wide and long and for some, it doesn’t appear to ever have existed, but for those of you who recognize a resonance in this, know this; courage can only exist in the presence of fear. If you experience yourself shrinking, running away or shine less than your true flame, it is understandable. It does take immense quiet courage to really live. Courage is not measured in what you do, but how deep your fear runs. Only you will ever know the depth of your own bravery.
Note: I am slowly moving content from my other blog www.hannetfisker.com ~ connecting the Dots…(and deleting some) so only contents of my ‘outer world’; my art-form of Coaching, upcoming events and creative projects I am involved in, one way or the other, will be posted there.
Some pieces of previous writing still resonates with me today, so I decided to keep it and re-post it here, knowing, it’s all just a perspective…